Lost Tears of Farwell
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: Post Frontier. There was nothing anyone can do to stop the new painful drift in their relationship. It was over or that what they felt deep in their hearts.


**Author's Note**

So guys this one-shot is part of a sequel so it doesn't end here(even if that doesn't sound too bad). There are a side stories and a main storyafter it . I am not sure if I would post them, though. I will try to put their arrangement, depending on the events and what sounds better.

So please everyone...I'd like to know what you think. It is so depressing not to hear/read anythinng from you...

**Disclaimer: I am glad I don't own Digimon. Who knows what would I have done if I have it?**

* * *

**Lost Tears of Farwell**

He hated to admit how shameful he felt at that moment.

It wasn't an emotion; a warrior of light should experience however he felt it and towards what was supposed to be everyone's sacred thing. Himself. He hated himself for being selfish and at the same time too caring. How ironical it was to be selfish yet deeply caring about the same person.

He knew that that day would come. The day when he would leave without even saying goodbye. His father had assured him when he met Kouichi that they would not have to move anymore and that their life was going to be more stable but it wasn't his father's fault. It could never be his. He tried as much as he could to find a way to stay in Japan but he couldn't.

Sleepiness expressed its wrath towards him and prevented him from what is so-called restless sleep. He shifted uncomfortably in the bed and the fact that he wasn't used to sleep in it and that it wasn't as comfortable as his own weren't the reasons. It was the last time he would be here after all. Few hours from now he would be overseas somewhere far from his mother, friends and his twin.

Sighing softly not to wake up his peacefully sleeping brother, he gazed at him in regret. How could he tell him? He didn't have the courage to tell his brother about the new plan that will destroy their tender relationship.

He bit his lower lip anxiously and folded the letter carefully, putting it on the drawer beside the bed. Kouichi would know. It was a matter of time now.

He knew how selfish he was by refusing to tell him but he simply couldn't bear seeing Kouichi's tears or even good byes. At least, he would keep an innocent, sweet image of his brother's happy face in his memory. He would never let his brother's tears fall for him. Yet they will fall once he is faraway.

A hand reached to brush Kouichi's dark locks from his eyes. He smiled and kept gazing to draw that face in his heart and mind forever. Who knows if they were going to meet anytime soon. The possibility of staying in contact would be nearly impossible. He didn't even know where they are going to settle in and if he could call Kouichi from there. He sounded hopeless. Logically, it wouldn't be difficult to call his brother and mother from wherever they are going to be in US but part of him felt that he was just lying to himself, that their relationship would never be the same. Ever.

'Kouji?'a soft voice called sleepily. Kouji blinked and looked at his brother's identical blue eyes that smiled to him just like his lips' smile. He turned away almost suddenly not because he was caught staring at his brother's sleeping face, but because he couldn't forgive himself for what he is going to do to those eyes. The eyes which would cry in pain after their owner knew the rift in his life.

Kouichi sat from his mattress and lent against his brother's shoulder, stifling ppressing a yawn, 'Are you okay?'

Kouji simply nodded and looked at the window with tired eyes.

'You don't seem okay. You can always tell me, you know,' Kouichi whispered lovingly. 'Because I will always hear you.'

The long-haired twin bit his lower lip and kept looking away, begging his eyes not to betray him with burning tears. Kouichi's sweet voice was killing him whenever he thinks that he wouldn't hear it again. Kouji closed his eyes and swallowed before breathing heavily as the pain in his chest increased.

'Kouji?' Kouichi cried in worry before trying to grasp his brother's distant eyes. He knew something was wrong with his younger twin since he came this evening. He noticed that Kouji didn't eat well and he felt that something related to Kouji's brief talking with his mother in her bedroom had to do with Kouji's changing personality tonight. Trying again to catch Kouji's attention, he pouted cutely and throw his arms around Kouji's neck. He whined childishly. 'Stop ignoring me. That is mean.'

It wasn't that he was fond of how childish he can be if he wanted to but it had always worked when Kouji has something in his mind and refused to share it. Maybe it was his cute features then or the adorable smile that easily replace the innocent pout before it. He thought Kouji would chuckle at his behaviors, embarrassing him or would send some remark.

This time Kouji didn't laugh or ruffle his hair light-heartedly but instead he hugged him rather painfully. Kouichi was about to gasp from the startle but Kouji's strong arms seemed as if they wanted to keep him there, refusing to let him even breathe.

'Kouji? What's wrong?'

Kouji didn't reply but eased his embrace to allow him to breathe before whispering in his hair's locks, 'I am fine. Don't worry.'

'If I wasn't worried, I would be now. Seriously when did you hug me this way? I felt as if you wanted to strangle me or something.' Kouichi's voice was concerned and worried enough to make Kouji wish to slap himself mentally for allowing his emotions to overcome his rationality. But what else could he do, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold him anymore?

'I am fine, Kou. You'd better go to sleep.' He whispered in controlled calmness. He couldn't stand letting kouichi know. Not now.

'But...'

'Kouichi. Can I ask you something?'

Kouichi blinked before nodding. 'Of course Kouji.'

'If I did something really bad to you. I mean hurting your emotions, would you ever forgive me?' Kouji seemed hopeless a desperate for the barest light to lighten his gloomy world. And he was supposed to be the warrior of light. He clenched his teeth, releasing Kouichi from his embrace and placing him on the bed gently.

An adorable smile shined Kouichi's face as he murmured tenderly, 'Of course Kouji but I know that you would never hurt me. I trust you with my life.'

Heavy silence prevented him from comfortable breath as his eyes scanned Kouichi's smiling face, memorizing it in his heart. He forced a smile and slipped under the covers facing Kouichi whom sleepiness started to take him to the dream's world.

'Sweet dreams, nii-san.'

Kouichi closed his eyes tiredly. 'You too Kouji. You will tell me what is wrong when you are ready. Promise?'

The younger twin nodded and closed his eyes. _Yeah. You will know. Few hours from now, Nii-san. There would be nothing to hide anymore as well as nothing to reveal._

'I love you, Kouichi.'

Kouichi opened his eyes and smiled again gently. 'I love you too,Kouji. You know that.'

It would be the last time he could be honest with him. There would be no second chance to tell him how much he meant to him. Kouichi was the one who showed him that it hurt to ignore love towards those who deserve it. If it weren't for him, he wondered if he would ever been able to tell their mother about how much he loved her. How couldn't he love someone who gave his light a meaning and now he was simply betraying that person, depriving him from the right to say god buy.

* * *

Three hours later, their mother opened the door hesitantly as he closed his bag silently. He looked at her and nodded before putting the bag on the ground then climbed to Kouichi's bed.

'I will miss you, Nii-san. Please forgive me. Take care of yourself.' He fought the tears so they wouldn't fall on Kouichi's face. He lent closer and placed a gentle kiss on Kouichi's forehead. Kouichi stirred in his sleep momentarily, muttering something incoherent and smiling to his dreams as Kouji pulled away and left the room as silent as the lazy wind outside.

'Kouji...' His mother called once they were in the living room, putting her hand against her chest and walking towards him. He accepted her hug and allowed few tears to express his pain.

Tomoko sobbed. 'Take care of yourself. I can't believe I will lose you again.'

'Kaa-san. I am sorry. I love you.' He can cry freely now. His heart deserved such a short relief, 'I will miss you. Please be okay and…and take care of him. Please.'

She rubbed his back gently and said between her sobs, 'I will, dear. I will.'

The footsteps of her ex-husband reached her as he entered the living room after he had silently said goodbye to Kouichi in his room. They were glad for the first time that Kouichi wasn't a light sleeper.

'I am sorry. I wish there was any other way but I have to.' Kousei looked at the floor, ashamed and whispered, 'He is still asleep. Are you sure you don't want to tell him, Kouji?'

Kouji freed himself from his mother's tight embrace and nodded slightly, wiping his tears. 'I left him a letter. He will know soon enough.'

'Kouji? '

'I am sure Otou-san. Shall we go?'

Kousei sighed at his son's stubbornness before following him to the door. He knew how much hurt his son was but there was nothing he could do to avoid such new circumstances. The feeling that his elder son will be devastated upon knowing that tortured him. He had looked so peaceful when he saw him few minutes ago.

There was no doubt that Kouji would avoid seeing his brother's tears or the feeling that he was completely helpless? How could he bear feeling that he couldn't wipe his tears or fulfill their promise a year ago when they met? The promise to be always together for each other.

There was nothing anyone can do to stop the dramatic pain in their relationship. Acceptance was the only path but it needed him to be completely numb to accept losing and he started walking in that hollow path…

* * *

Sleepy eyes started recognizing the faint sun-rays that morning. He felt cold and that wasn't because of the weather. His heart raced suddenly for no reason. Shaking the feeling of loneliness was illogically impossible. He stared around him frantically, searching for his brother .

_Kouji._

In Kouji's place beside him, there was a folded letter to him.

Gasps escaped his trembled body as he ran downstairs hysterically to find his mother sobbing. He took few steps back before letting the letter fall from his hand limply.

'Kouji..' He whimpered as new-built tears tore his once sleepy eyes, grasping his mother's attention. She looked at the floor and whispered, 'I am sorry. He didn't want you to know but now he is faraway.'

His body collapsed on the cold floor as tears wet their way towards his trembled lips. The eyes which had been smiling as if the world was full of joy and love few hours ago.

_That couldn't be happening. _

_No. _

He cried out, clutching his head to force himself to wake up from such a terrible nightmare. Kouji can't do this. He has no right to leave him like this…hollow, empty and alone.

_N_o!

His mother ran towards him but he didn't even feel himself crying between her arms.

_But he promised…_

_Why?_

The light his eyes once had dimmed slowly till he couldn't even feel the streaming tears. It was over…

_NO!_

All the promises, the laughs and the tears were lost in few words inside a shivered letter between his fingers.

_**'I am sorry , Nii-san but I couldn't tell you. Sayonara, Kouichi...**_

_**Owari!~**_

* * *

Sayonara: Goodbye


End file.
